Reader Email #1

Dear Chance,

There is this chick at work that I have been eyeing up since she was trained in. Been working every other weekend with her for bit this summer and will be working with her one last time before I leave for school. Not sure how to approach this one because she seems very respectable (wifeable), which I rarely say, either way I would like to start something with her. This past weekend went very solid, had her laughing and we kept solid convo through out the two 8 hour days.  I found out some info bout her ( her major, she likes to go to the theater, random stories etc.) I have been holding a conversation well. Both contributing as much as the other. It’s pretty casual as far as content.  I guess it’s hard for me to describe.

I got one last shot and I would rather be rejected hard then never know…what do I do Chance??????

This is an example of a long-term wooing situation. I prefer to strike while the iron is hot but at the same time I am a very big advocate of not shitting where you sleep (Banging girls you work with). I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again so I’m going to stop being a hypocrite and continue to dissect your email:

My main concern here is that there is really nothing in your summary of note to me, so to say, it lacks substance. I see talking, but don’t see flirting. I see working together, but don’t see any touching.

You are both contributing 50%? This worries me as well. In an ideal world she would be talking 80% of the time and your reactions/anecdotes would cover the remaining 20%. The reason for this being that the less you say, the less opportunity you have to give her a reason not to hang out with or bang you. Suffice it to say, the less you tell her about yourself, the more she is inclined to simply fill in the blanks about you while talking to her friends. That little hamster brain in her head will only spit out the positive aspects of your interaction while not highlighting the stupid shit you managed to say by accident. This is neither here nor there as that ship has already sailed…But for next time.

I dig your attitude about being rejected before not knowing; but we’re going to avoid this altogether.

I will assume that you work a shift on Saturday and Sunday with her. Do not save it until your last day (Sunday); you need to set it up on Saturday. Outlooks are generally positive on Saturdays and typically there is a lot to look forward to that night, unless you are a hermit crab.

Our goal here is to get your number in her hands, this way we can gauge interest by whether she follows through or not. We are simply keeping it informal as to avoid rejection (this is the workplace remember).

While at work on Saturday talk to her as per usual. This time though, be bold. Say things in a direct manner, tease her, make fun of others, etc. She needs to see you as a fun, sexual guy in order to want to hang out with you. She has enough friends and adding one more to her harem would be an insult to your manhood.

I will give you one task and one task only. This is the ultimate difference between her looking at you like a sex hound or a friend. Simply put: you need to touch her.

There are right ways to do this…and wrong ways to do this.

Do- Find an excuse to move her out of the way when moving in her direction…When this is the case, be carrying something in your left hand, and grab her waist in a motion that essentially is clearing her out of the way. This should be a quick little push. Make it seem like without getting her ass out of the way, you getting through to your destination would have been impossible.

Do not –Touch her while looking her in the eye. It’s just feels weird and calculated.

Do- Find an excuse to whisper something to her. Not creepishly close, but close enough where you lean in to touch your chest to her shoulder area. When you do say something, make sure she laughs and it is sexual. This way she knows your funny but sex is also on your mind. For example…” [Insert name] just bent over to tie her shoe. Did someone forget to tell me that on Saturdays panties are optional? How about shaving that area…is that out the window too? No one ever tells me anything. I quit.”

Later in the shift, drop the bait. The bait should be something along the lines of a social event (house party, bar, wine tasting, group sex, etc.) that is a prerequisite to you leaving in the following weeks. This event needs to be portrayed as a good-bye type ordeal to your friends and this city before you move away for the semester or year (whatever it may be).

Note: This is not a party you will be throwing, but rather a social event in which you are invited to, which more or less requires a date, or at least, they way you interpreted it; it does. Also, if by chance you can’t find a party, you can cancel on her later that night due to the host being a retard and cancelling…Regardless you still have her number and are free to make other plans. This gathering is simply a way to enter your numeric code into her cellular device. Also, as a way to gauge her interest (if she calls or not).

There will be a couple scenarios:

A) Best Case: She calls you later that night, you pick her up, go to said event, have some drinks, go back to your place, and insert P to V in a rockstar like manner. She proceeds to go downstairs and find your bisquick mix and a waffle maker. You remain in bed only to find out 20 minutes later you have some late night breakfast waiting for you.

B) Not exactly worse case, but not best case: She calls you, brings a friend, you get c-blocked, whatever. You still have her number and are free to set up another time, minus the walrus lookin’ wingwoman she brings along (she will never bring along a hotter friend…but if she did, you know who to call).

C) Typical Scenario: You give her your number and set up the date to go to the party; she never calls.

The next day at work you need to be very quiet. Do your job, but keep the energy low. When she asks what’s wrong tell her you didn’t sleep a wink last night. Things got out of hand at said party. When the K9 unit came to interrupt the rave that spontaneously combusted out of nowhere at the wine tasting, you had to pull moves that Pierce Brosnan himself couldn’t conjur up in his wildest dreams. You had to hitch a ride home, but got kidnapped by a couple nymphomaniacs in a white van on its way to bomb an airport. While you didn’t feel like being objectified and sexually harassed you had to slide open the door and tuck and roll into the ditch. Luckily you found a tire iron and walked home with it firmly in hand. People know better than to fuck with you and a tire iron. You had to take a cab to work that morning as you still couldn’t drive from all of the hard drugs that someone slipped into your drink.

You had a good night, she didn’t. Tell her she is free to visit, and when you come into town next, you may think of calling her (if you remember to). Then go about your business as it’s just not in your agenda to be an entertainer on Sunday morning.

Yours truly, -CBRADDDD

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Rejection is a time-saver!

For those of you that have or have not been there: I will paint a picture for you.

You find a cute girl – You chat her up – Things go well – You give her your number and split.

Boom. What a pimp you are for picking up a random girl at the supermarket. Only a Don Juan like yourself could charm a girl over the fumes from the gasoline at the pump. Despite your bad coffee breath, you snagged that girls number at the espresso shop.

All is well, now it’s just a game of wait…….and wait……and wait some more…..

There there young Dawson, we’ve all been there.

A week has passed: No call.       Seriously- The fuck lady?

Your anticipation was high, emotions were flaring, things were great!      And now? Nothing.

Next time you don’t approach that hottie downtown due to your fear of getting rejected; think of this…

Rejection is your friend. If you can take a big ole No-shot to the chin and keep on fighting, then you’re a friend of mine. Deep down you need to thank said lass for saving your time. A simple no means you aren’t wasting time or resources on a girl or activity that may not ever take place. You can bid farewell to the texts/calls you’d send out in order to get her attention. Meanwhile you can spend this time fishing, hitting the gym, slamming a light beer, or a plethora of other manly activities.

So don’t hate the women who reject you; thank them. They are saving both parties a whole lot of time and frustration. The ones who lead you on though….Make them pay for doing such an activity. I will touch on this when I reinitiate my coffee buzz.

Your leige – signing off.

Where do you stand?

I am often asked by the young men around my social circle how they are doing performance wise in the female pounding department. Being the finance guru that I am, I realized there is a mathmatical and pragmatic way to go about appraising one’s worth in regards to his female companionship over his lifetime of pounding.

Some look at their sexual conquest scale as a bell curve: Placing the cuter hunnies towards the upper portion and the dragons toward the lower, only to find a zenith in the middle of the two extremes of which to extrapolate an average bang score. Okay, touché young grasshopper. However, I look at this as more of a statistical measure that can only be applied to chumps who have banged less than 10. In that case, it makes sense.

This Is For The Beginngers

Once you shed your pair of hamster sized testacles and start becomming a man you are going to want to shift scales. Chance has a solution. I don’t want an average bang (even though that is a good supporting measure), but more of a net value, that increases with every notch you pound.

For example – Dude A pounds 5 girls, each of them are fugly as sin! I will prorate them at 2 each. His final CB (Chance Bradley) score will be 10 (5 girls X 2 pts each).

If you’ve done this get off my website.

Dude B had a girlfriend his whole life but she was a smoking 10 (even though I don’t give 10’s). His final CB score will be a 10 also (1 girl X 10 pts).

Love it.

So is the guy who really banged more females a bigger player? NO! Of course not, he’s just a dragon slayer while dude B is a white knight givin’ his 10 a ride around on his stallion. Only problem is, only one girl is riding his stallion when he should have a stable full of purebreds, giving rides to every lass on the country side.

Giddy up Mofugga

Even if guy B took a sloth home and wrecked her (we’ll say a 3), his new score would be 13 (10+3), and would thus have a higher present value than the dragon slayer dude A.

It’s a compound measure gentlemen, that increases with every P in V interraction. Here’s a little scale according to CB of where you stand if you are in your mid 20’s.

0-5 = You must be playing dungeons and dragons and slipped and fell into a woman’s vagina.

5-10 = A one girl guy…drop her and explore. Theres a whole new world out there Christoper Columbus!

10-250 = You’re starting to understand it, continue upon this path with guns blazing.

250-1000 = You’re doing well. I know you don’t have a girlfriend because you understand what you are capable of.

1000+ = Keep bangin’ till your unit falls off brother cause you’re doing God’s work!

This is tentative. Obviously as your age goes up the scale shifts up as well to account for more time having passed. It’s obvious to point out that the better looking girls you get with, the less (quantity) you need; and vice versa. You could look at this as an intersecting curve that we see in real world economics to find your equilibrium bang potential (which will be the zenith of said bell curve above).

I said it once and I’ll say it again. Everything with women can be explained in a financial/economical sense.

Whether you are a dragon-slayer, a white knight, or bangin’ anything with a pulse…Do what you do because you know Chance Bradley has your back.

Why To Diversify Your Portfolio: Stocks and Broads

Lets us first ask the question: Why do investors choose to diversify their portfolios instead of just relying on one stock? The answer: To mitigate the risk(s) associated with investing.

Let’s first cover the financial basics and then move on to it’s female applications. As I have outlined before; all financial concepts can be applied to male-female relations. You will see.

The total risk of a portfolio can be summed up with this formula:

[Total Risk = Systematic Risk + Unsystematic Risk]

Systematic Risk is systematic, as the name implies. It means that all of your stocks will be affected by this risk. Examples include inflation, economic stall, etc. There is not much an investor can do about this risk, it is just part of the investing game.

The Unsystematic Risk component is one that only applies to certain stocks within your portfolio. That is to say, what may affect one stock may not affect others. Example of unsystematic risk include a shortage of steel (if in the steel industry), the death of the CEO of that company, internal fraud. As you can see, a shortage of steel would not necessarily have a ripple effect on pencil-making industry.

Now, as you could probably guess, the combination of these two risks can really fuck up your investment(s). But, my friends, there is a way to almost completely cut out unsystematic risk… We call it: Diversification.

For example: Let’s say that you invested $100 into stock A. (100%)

Let’s also say that I invested $50 in stock A and $50 into stock B. (50%,50%)

If the economy slowed, thus decreasing our investments by 5%, you would lose $5 ($100 X 5%) and I would lose $5 ($50 X 5% + $50 X 5%).

This is systematic risk…It can’t be reduced by diversifying…so in this case; we both get screwed out of a Lincoln-spot.

In comes the second form of risk:

Let’s say the chief accountant of the stock A company gets caught for embezzlement, bangin’ the secretary, public urination, etc. (Anything, use your imagination). So the big name accountant gets fired and this is public knowledge. Because of this, the market decides the stock price will fall by another 5%. This is an example of unsystematic risk as it only applies to company A and not to company B (Company B’s accountant is squeaky clean).

So now, having lost the same amount in the prior example, we begin to calculate what else we have to lose.

You now have $95 (See above) and will lose another 5% ($95 X 5%) = $4.75

You now have $90.25

BUT BECAUSE I DIVERSIFIED MY PORTFOLIO: I will lose less than you….sucker. Let us calculate:

I have $95 (like you had) but it is spread out between 2 stocks (A and B).

I have $47.50 in each stock due to my recent $5.00 systematic loss, I took a $2.50 hit in both A and B.

But now, check this out.

A = $47.50 X -5% = $2.38 (loss)…stock A is now worth $45.12

B= $47.50 X (no loss) = $47.50

Chance’s total = $92.62

Your total = $90.25

as you can see, I lost less than you did, simply by diversifying. You may think $2.37 is not a lot of money, and it’s not. But even though I can buy (2) more McDoubles than you can, lets look at this on a macro-level.

2 Extra of these? Yes please.

Imagine if this had been the case but spread out over 50 different stocks! Or what if our initial cash investment had been higher?! Yes, you would lose more than I simply due to the diversification factor and reducing the impact on my portfolio caused by unsystematic risk.

Okay fellas, now that you know the effect diversification has on your stock returns, how does it affect your ROB (Return on Bitches)?

Assume that you are dating 1 girl and that I am dating 2 (This is a low-ball figure but for simplicity’s sake =P ).

We will refer to them as girl A (Amy) and girl B (Bridgette). Once again, we will assume that both of our A girls are almost exactly alike in nature.

Now, friday night is comin’ up and it’s time to start scheming. We first must assess the overall systematic risk of the market (the game). It is finals week, a dreadful time, and the girls we are dating all have finals…Oh shoot, studying all weekend and no room for Chance =( … This is systematic as it applies to all girls in question and there is simply nothing we can do about it… Doesn’t matter how good-looking you are, how much money you have, or how large your Schlong Johnson may be, it will not change the date of finals week.

Without studying; I'd say she's grade A!

Now, lets say it’s the week after. Their schedules are WIDEEEE OPENNNN! Therefore, systematic risk is close to nothing. We must now examine the unsystematic risk involved as well in order to calculate the total risk of not getting laid this Friday.

Girl A (talking about both of our identical girls) is experiencing a flow that happens monthly…Oh christ. You may not want to go there and chances are she doesn’t want you to go there either. So pal, you may go out for a nice supper, a couple drinks, followed by dancing; only to find out that….Oh shit! It won’t be happening.

I, on the other hand, know that it is that time of month for girl A, so what do I do? I reach into my diverse portfolio (Note: 2 isn’t diverse but we’re being simple here) and dial-up girl B! We get dinner and go dancing, have some drinks, and BOOM! I win again 😀

The most interesting man in the world became that way from diversifying. Fact.

This, my friends, this is Diversification and how you can use it to your advantage.

Yours truly,

-Chance Bradley

P.S. I will post later on how to know beforehand if it is or is not that time of month for her. That is an explicit assumption that I have used in this post. But let us walk before we run.

For Future Reference: My 1-10 Rating Scale

In my upcoming stories and anecdotal evidence I will most oftenly refer to the looks of my female companions using the 1-10 scale. So you can better understand MY rating system, I will outline each integer and what it represents. It is fair to assume there is some standard deviation present in said ratings. Of course no girl is a sure-fire 8 or snaggle-toothed 3, so realize that there is always give and take variables at play. Without further adieu…

10- unattainable, no girl will ever be given a 10

9- Rediculously hot, 99th percentile of the world

8- Hot/Really cute

7- Cute

6- She has her pros and cons, very situational

5- Mehhh (don’t tell your buddies about her)

4-let her buy you drinks, but nothing more

3- Sarah Jessica Parker

2- Troll

1- Shouldn’t be allowed in public

Glad we’re on the same page now =)

The Journey Begins

Well gentleman, the time has come. There are too many of you, and too little of me in this world to create a balance between bad men and bad women. We are outnumbered. I am taking the time out of my incredibly busy day to begin this blog as a way to educate, enlighten, and possibly recruit some of you players-to-be to my side of the fence. My main areas of focus are women, finance, and pounding some weights at the gym.